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Since I forgot to bring my toothpaste from Nigeria, I had to get to the supermarket earlier today to buy one to brush my teeth with. After about an hour walking through the aisle, pretending to know where what I’m looking for was, I finally summoned the courage to ask the cashier who promptly referred me to the right aisle. And there they were, hundreds of different brands of toothpaste. I was looking for only three names: Close-up, Macleans, or Colgate. I didn’t care for any of the others.

And as I bent down to look closer, there it was: Colgate.

No, I mean, there they were:

Colgate Total Whitening
Colgate Total Advanced Whitening
Colgate Total Advanced Fresh
Colgate Total Advanced Clean
Colgate Whitening Oxygen Bubbles
Colgate Total Mint Stripe
Colgate MaxFresh with Mouthwash Beads
Colgate MaxFresh with Mini Breath Strips
Colgate Cavity protection
Colgate Whitening Paste

Right!

I went for Close-up instead.
Luckily, there was only one kind: CLOSE-UP Freshening Red Gel.

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9 thoughts on “How Not To Brush Your Teeth in America

  1. Pingback: I Should Have Brought From Home « ktravula

  2. Is it true my brother that “petrol o si l’america gas lepo n je, bisquits o si l’america cookies ni won je, e so pe fe mu soda nibe fanta ni won a ko wa, e da’ruko mineral nibe gold le fe ri, spirit lon j’alcohol liquor loti………..”?

  3. Close-Up ke? Blistering barnacles! Maxam anyday, dude! Only paste that tackles the special brand of toothdecay that McDonalds offers…

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